فارسیWhen a person starts viewing pornography, lusting or acting out sexually, the body releases all kinds of chemicals. The exact composition of the chemistry may vary depending on whether I'm stealing a look on the street, flirting with a coworker, consuming hard-core pornography with my eyes or recalling sexual memories in my mind. But in any case, my body has developed an abnormal reaction to those chemicals released whenever I start using sex or porn as a drug.
Trembling, Shivering and Nausea
For me, it had become so bad, that the moment I took the decision to act out, my body would start trembling and shivering, my back muscles would get stressed, and I would feel cold sweats. As soon as my acting out had started, I told myself: “How could I have ever have lived without this?” The phenomenon of craving had started, and I wanted more and more, until I got sick to the point of nausea, vomiting or auto-mutilation. I understand today that I have a rather abnormal physical reaction to sex and pornography, I would say.
Surrendering the Temptation
Today, in order to recover, I just have to accept my allergy to lust, sex and pornography as a matter of fact. If I have an allergy to strawberries for example, I can try to eat strawberries again and again, every time trying not to get an allergic reaction with all my willpower – and always ‘failing’. It makes no sense, because willpower is useless against an allergy! So every time there is a temptation for me to start lusting or acting out sexually, I try to remember immediately my powerlessness over lust, pornography and sexual acting out – both over the obsession of the mind and over the allergy of the body. It helps me to remember that I am powerless over it. Then I can let the temptation go, without having to take a drink from it, my sanity is momentarily restored. And I am still free.